Melissa Richardson Banks

It doesn't matter how old you are; we all seem to experience times in our lives when we simply need reassurance. Reassurance that you're loved, respected, honored, meaningful, attractive, doing the right thing, and needed ... validation from someone else that you mean something. Funny, it's almost like what I do (consulting). Consultants often get more respect from the corporate boss than the staff; an outsider can validate what you are doing right ... or wrong. Reassurance is that external point of view that reaffirms hopefully what you already (or should) know about yourself -- YOU matter. When you're down, lonely, rejected, or just sad, reassurance can bring you back to reality -- yes, you DO matter. Whatever you are feeling is just temporary, and a loved one can remind you that it will soon pass. You will get through it. What I love about getting older is having a reservoir of life experiences from which to draw strength and perhaps ... yes, reassurance from myself....

I woke suddenly this morning at 4:20 AM, feeling what I thought was an earthquake. I turned on the television, then the radio, remembering that sometimes the latter was quicker to respond. Nothing ... did I imagine it? Oddly, it was about 12 years ago when the last quake hit Los Angeles, about the same time, almost the same day. Was I dreaming?

God, do I have to be hit over the head? Or have I just been too busy over the past four years and not willing to face the fact that my relationship wasn't satisfactory? I guess we never fought because I never cared, either. Signs of "he's just not that into you:" Red flag #1: He doesn't sound happy when you call him during the day. Red flag #2: He's physically in your presence, but you just don't feel that he is "there" mentally or emotionally. Red flag #3: You break up with him and he doesn't seem to care. Red flag #4: Kissing becomes nonexistent as sex slowly dwindles ... If I were counseling a friend, I would have encouraged her to "head for the hills" years ago. Okay, there were a few things that made him "boyfriend" material. He was steady, focused on his work, didn't stray his eyes (or other body parts) toward other women, handsome, quick to smile, and could fix stuff that I wanted done. What happened to that ...

There are inevitable times in your life when you are faced with tough choices related to your pets and your parents. Thankfully, I'm not in the decision-making place for the latter as both my mom and my dad (who have been divorced for over 25 years) are in good health (though I worry about my dad's hip, which is sorely in need of replacement, but he is choosing to live in pain, at least with the help of homeopathic remedies). However, my mom is going through her own challenges with my grandmother who was recently hospitalized. My dilemma is with my pets; particularly, one of my three cats. I am overcome with guilt as I have shared previously that I became a "reformed" cat owner last May when I rescued my dog. Now, to my credit, my cats could care less about me. I originally took my black-and-white cat into my home when her former owners left to work in Yugoslavia sometime in 2000. At that time, it was thought that she was about 4 years old; of course, now she must be ...

Last night, I went to a gallery for an art opening and a band performance in celebration of "Dia de los Tres Reyes" (Day of the Three Kings -- a holiday in Mexico and Latin America that is more often celebrated instead of Christmas). The 12th day of Christmas, it commemorates the day when three wise men arrived with gifts for the baby Jesus. I haven't danced like I did last night in years! I met up with a friend of mine (who happens to be gay) who was my salsa partner most of the evening ... He kept telling all of the straight guys that I was newly single (it gave a few of them the courage to ask me to dance). I had so much fun!

I did it. I went on my "first" real date since I broke up with my boyfriend. Did I mention that I decided to break up with him on New Year's Day after we saw the movie "King Kong?" I figured that the gorilla and the girl had a better relationship than us, which made me cry the whole way home and gave me the courage to say, "This ain't working, baby." Today is Saturday--one full week from then and I must say that I feel better, I feel lighter on my feet. I think I wrapped myself too much into a relationship that was going nowhere ... really slow. Oh, and that date? That was on Thursday and while it wasn't a "love match" for me, he did send me an email that made me cry, too. He said that he knew I'd be cute based on a photo he had seen, but he was amazed to see that I was "fantastically beautiful." That statement alone made me realize that my boyfriend has never said that (or anything close to it) to me in five years. I al...

This morning, I found an old journal entry from exactly four years ago entitled "Slow Down and Observe the Signs." Evidently, I didn't take this to heart as the time has flown by and I think my life's pace increased instead of the reverse. A lot has changed in the past few months. I have finally slowed down (more so in the past three to six weeks), largely due to a surge in my energy from getting more sleep using my new contraption (a mandibular mouth piece, which kind of looks like a clear plastic teeth-whitening device that is hinged, keeping my jaw jutted out slightly so I can breathe at night). Evidently, I've not been going into "beta sleep" for the past seven years due to a condition known as "sleep apnea." Thankfully, this has changed. My metabolism has been jolted, and without changing my diet or exercise patterns, I have been losing weight, slowly but surely (of course, now I am supplementing this change by taking better care of my he...

Ah, a rarity much treasured ... rain in Southern California! I hope that it rains hard for 40 days and 40 nights, but alas, I know that today's liquid magic will disappear by tomorrow. I discovered that my puppy loves the rain. Thank goodness! I put on my little-worn yellow rain jacket (that conveniently folds up into a bag -- go figure! Why would anyone want to crunch it into a useless bag that doesn't hold anything BUT the jacket itself!!!) and walked in the field across the street. My little boy (i.e., yes, I am a crazy dog person who has now adopted my animal as my son) played in the puddles and just shook off the rain. Yay! I'm happy ... in spite of today being the first official day since I finally convinced my boyfriend of five years that, yes, we are indeed broken up. Actually, I was miserable since it happened (until the rain poured this morning) -- which was last night, after we saw "King Kong" with a neighborhood couple (the woman is my long-time friend...

Okay, someone asked me to answer the following three questions, which I thought I'd post. It seems that they are revealing as to who I am: 1.What songs or artists put you in the mood? Depends on the mood that I am seeking, but I am very eclectic in my tastes. From the bands with whom I grew up--Chicago; Boston; America; Aerosmith; Def Leppard; Bread; Van Halen; Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (except honestly, I am not as much of a "band" person as I am a "song" person) to what I'm currently listening to: John Mayer, James Blunt, Lifehouse, Bonnie Raitt, and whatever was playing yesterday from 12 noon to 2 PM on KCRW during "New Ground" -- don't tell anyone, but I also love some of the 1980s C&W since I am a native Texan, and which I "closet" from most people (it's kind of like comfort food to me --- Randy Travis, Travis Tritt, Clint Black). I work a lot with the Latino market, so I enjoy lots of lively music from Mexico, Cub...